I hope it’s okay,
I find your eyes this way.
I’m trying to stop smoking,
but everytime, I seem to keep
thinking. My head runs amiss,
I can’t finish my lists,
I feel stuck in the what was
and the what ifs.

I keep eating biscuits,
to try take my mind off it
but I can’t help but know
my distraction isn’t healing.
the crumbs of the end bits,
the jarred feelings being end game.
I wish I could be more,
and be less.

please know that the ruin 
of your healing is not a want.
your heart being strong,
is more admirable than spots.
the crumbs, the body,
the crunch of your eyes
arms locking in mine.
don’t know if my thoughts,
are being created by yours.
am I crazy for thinking
or are you also cursed?

don’t think this is bad,
I want to know the process.
but if the loop keeps coming
and my mind keeps running
then maybe I’m not alone
and i miss you.